Have to share this story, right after reading A Special Family's run-in with a tacky e-mail I had a run-in with a tacky lady. Yesterday we had the entire entourage together to go for a quick grocery stop. The girl's really enjoy the grocery store and love to name and identify all of the produce and grocery items. We ran into a beautiful elderly lady, who I knew immediately (Mommy radar), was itching to come over to say something or other to us. She approaches and starts off swimmingly by exclaiming how beautiful S+A are and asked what their names were etc. The usual bullshit stuff. Alyssa responds appropriately by crying. Nice, very nice comments yeah. This is the point where I always hold my breathe and wait for the "other" type of questions. If you have adopted internationally you know the kinda questions I mean. The kind you would NEVER think to ask another living creature but for some reason think it's okay to ask parents who have adopted internationally. So here comes the question, "where did you get them?" I walked off in efforts to secure a ripe luscious cantaloupe for our dinner and left hubby to deal with the nice, elderly lady's nosiness. Urghhhhhhh
After hooking back up with hubby and kids, DH informs me that the nice, elderly lady had said that we will be blessed. Whatever. Hubby believes that her tacky questions were well-intended and she was being sincere, hence, "she knows not what she says". Yes, I agree HOWEVER, what kind of effect are these types of questions going to have on Sophia and Alyssa? Yes, I can handle them, but what about them?
Should I quickly divulge all private information (read none-of-your- business) to spare my children from those questions?
So something like: "Yes, Sophia and Alyssa are beautiful, and their beauty comes all the way from China". Get my drift? I am at a loss...I just want to protect my kids from these nice, well-meaning people and what about the mean bitchy ones????
First Birthday
Mommy + "The Girls"
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I think sometimes just asking, "Why do you ask?" sort of shuts them down. I sense she probably meant well, and people are CLUELESS- we're the ones holding the knowledge. I hope that I'll be able to try and educate and show my kid how to hold up under the pressure of these really personal questions.
I don't even have her with me yet, and I get some doozies. Like, "How much is she gonna cost?" and "Why don't you just do it artificially and have one of your own?" UGH.
I would have let FM handle it too but sadly I don't have an FM or rather not sadly but by choice I don't have an FM. So I was instructed by my own mom to accept the ignorant comments in the they meant the best so don't be rude way I can. When Glenys is old enough to talk to strangers and understands what is being asked I will let her answer. I have a feeling when she is ready she will be rather snarky back to them.
Bev
I must admit I once was a clueless ignoramous too. I just was so itching to talk to anyone who looks like they adopted too.
But none the less, now I will be on the other side of the fence and I know I have a very low tolerance for stupidity.
You make a compelling point, yes I will find a way to handle the barage of dumbness, but what will my daughter make of it?
I heard once someone say to answer the dumb questions as if you were only answering for your daughter/son. Cuz it's thei ears that will matter and they will remember.
But what those answers may be???
Maybe "Yes, this is my beautiful and smart daughter (protective hand on her shouldre) why do you ask?" that seems assertive and gives your child the right message.
And draws a line in the sand. Think that might work?
"where did you get them?
I would have told her eBay.
I know that must really be hard when some people are like that. They are just clueless and you have such a beautiful family sweetie. Hope you had a great weekend your blog always makes me smile and think...LOL
Smiles and Blessings,
Angel ():)
We just had an incident while strawberry picking, an elderly gentleman said"So what's the story behind them, did you get them from Hong Kong or mainland China"
I tried to ignore him and then he asked "Are they real sisters?"
My eldest piped up and said"Of course we are" and gave him a look that could kill.
I was so proud.
As far as your elderly lady did she have a cane.. boot, trip..
Ahhh, Melissa-- truly priceless! ha ha. I love it. E-bay.....isn't that where you buy all your gems?
People can be so unkind and rude. Don't think they don't know what they do either.
What I also hate is when they comment on my beautiful daughter but leave my other daughter totally out of the equation like she's not beautiful too!
This is it, I don't give a flying fig about these people and their nosey, ignorant questions or comments. Asking why? may open up a whole new realm of ridiculousness which is what I am trying to protect S + A from. I have a "game" face that I wear which really works to discourage such idiocy. DH however, has a "come hither" look and therefore he attracts them all!!!
Gwenda, that is just so wrong of people to point out one daughter and not the other........
This just happened to me again yesterday in a restaurant. A couple was walking by our table on their way to their own table and the lady (middle-age-ish)stopped dead in her tracks and looked at the girls then at me then at Ed and then back at the girls (blatantly staring) and said: "So, where did you get them? China? Vietnam?" I sputtered, "Huh? Why?", She retorted: "Huh...?" I said, "Well, why do you want to know...Why do you ask? Why? Why". (yes, I was a little out-of-control but it had been a long tiring day...and I had never done that before but I had just had it ....) The lady just continued to stare at me and then said in a patronizing tone, "Well, I just think these girls are so lucky you saved them from the life they could have had...that's all. You don't need to be haughty!". WTF...'haughty'... Needless to say, I won the staring contest and she never got her answer....Was I rude? Jeez...probably.....
-cindy
Rude? Not so. "Piss off or be pissed on!" She should've backed away slowly.........
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